UNDER SIEGE

Last night it happened. We heard that all-too-familiar whimper from the three-year-old’s bedroom, followed by the guttural sounds of a stomach about to turn itself inside-out. It had returned.

It had been a mere two months since a heinous gastric bug had ravaged our house and picked off each of us, one by one. We had gotten through six years of creches, play-dates and activity centres without allowing any sort of virus to permeate the entire household and we had been feeling quite bad-ass. We were fools.

BATTLE TACTICS

germ bugI won’t go into the sordid details or describe the abject misery it created because we’ve all been there. But I vowed that it wouldn’t happen again; that it wouldn’t cross my threshold on infected little hands and breeze its way through my home like a sinister cartoon germ on a TV ad, annihilating each of us. It would be stopped in its tracks. And this time, I was ready.

The harsh reality is that the first child to contract the virus will be defeated. That’s the nature of the beast. Don’t beat yourself up about it. There’s nothing you could have done. That child is lost. But there’s still hope for the others and you may even be able to save yourself. Don’t despair in the dead of night. OK do. Despair is allowed. But also follow my step-by-step guide to containing the bug and dealing with the chaos.

SURVIVAL BASICS

  1. Place two bin-bags in your bathtub. The bathroom will become the official headquarters of the operation. One will be for soiled bed linen, towels and clothing; the other for used paper towels and unsalvageable items. Feel free to deem everything unsalvageable, if needs be.
  2. Invest in a box of disposable rubber gloves. I’m not talking about Marigolds; they can’t help you here. I’m talking about those white, powdered, latex ones that doctors snap menacingly onto their hands before medical examinations. Bring the entire box of 200. We don’t know what we are dealing with yet and best to be prepared.  I know that we are not doing the planet any favours but we will resolve to be more green when the children are less so.
  3. Tend to the sick child who is now spreadeagled on the floor, sobbing; her face ashen; her hair thick with regurgitated pasta. Remove clothing to HQ. A quick rinse with the shower hose may be in order but a baby wipe works wonders.
  4. Suppress the urge to gag and/or swear and/or eye-roll.
  5. Wake your partner. Whimper-to-hurl time is approximately 1.5 seconds and your child will probably have at least four further ‘episodes’, so he/she needs to remain in your bed. Cover one side of your memory foam mattress and your sateen weave sheets with two large towels, place a large plastic bin beside the bed (the more commonly-used basin will result in unwanted splash-back) and cross your fingers.
  6. Return to the scene of the crime, remove the bedclothes and and write off the pillow. Replace the bed linen, but not from the freshly-laundered, neatly-folded pile at the front of the hot press shelf. This is a rookie mistake. You haven’t been able to fully assess the scale of the pandemic.  Go all the way into the back of the top shelf and fish out the crumpled, faded, slightly fusty duvet cover that you knew you were right to save from the clothes bank pile. Take a moment to relish the vindication and file the example for future discussions on hoarding.
  7. Examine the surrounding areas with the care and precision of a CSI. Search every crevice. Using a mixture of bleach, disinfectant and water – preferably in a gun – blitz the environs. You will be following your child around with this gun and antibacterial hand gel for the next 48 hours. You will become a maniac about hand-washing and towel-sharing. Such levels of obsessive compulsion are entirely acceptable. In fact you would be remiss if you didn’t carefully monitor the hygiene practices of your children for the next fortnight.
  8. Banish your partner to the child’s bed where he will sleep for the remainder of the night; feet dangling, under a princess canopy.
  9. Ride the night out with your little one in the knowledge that a) the worst will be over by morning and b) you can allow her to binge-watch Team Umizoomi all day, guilt-free, while she is in recovery.
  10. Instruct your partner to steam-clean the bathroom and do the laundry. He has been sleeping like a princess all night, after all.

Has a nasty vomiting bug infiltrated your home and started to pick off members of your family one by one? Here's what to do to survive...


Linking this post with…

Mummuddlingthrough        You Baby Me Mummy        Dear Bear and Beany
Author

19 Comments

  1. OMG I literally shudder at the thought of a vomiting bug. The lowest parenting ebb of all. Please let the Winter be kind to us all! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub for the first time and welcome! x

    • Sinéad Reply

      Thanks so much, Talya! It was fun! See you next time… 🙂

  2. OMG… It’s the worst isn’t it?!! Poopy nappies are one thing but a puking toddle/big kid is a whole other level ????. I feel your pain!

    • Sinéad Reply

      It really is awful, Twin Pickle. (Such a cute blog name, btw!) Hopefully now the gastro gods will leave us be for a while! 🙂

  3. Ahhh I wish I’d read this a few days ago. My 14 month old had a terrible terrible stomach bug that lasted 3 days, it was grim. I feel like printing your list out, it’s so brilliant!

    For next time!

    A xx

    • Sinéad Reply

      I hope there isn’t a next time, Alice! ???? Glad you are out the other side. It just takes over your life for the few days, doesn’t it? So hard.

  4. Should have read this about 4 days ago, it took everyone down but me, I’m trying not to be triumphant, there is still time. Lizzie #thelist

    • Sinéad Reply

      It won’t beat you, Lizzie! Funny how that happens though. I’m always the last to get it (if it gets me at all.) We mums are made of strong stuff! Thanks for popping over from #TheList. 🙂

  5. As an emetophobe, vomiting bugs terrify me. And I know there must be one somewhere on the horizon. The last one to befall our house back in 2013 took us all down eventually and I know it came from one of those dreaded soft play centres. It was awful. O was only sick three times in total, but I spent 16 hours alternately clutching the toilet or a bowl. Eurgh. I live in fear!

    • Sinéad Reply

      Emetophobe – that’s a new word for me, Davina! Stay positive. You’ve gone three years… you are obviously doing something right! How horrid though, when you have a fear of vomiting. Here’s hoping it’s not something you will have to deal with any time soon. x

  6. This is perfectly timed. We were away last night and the grandparents were babysitting, when we got back this morning we discovered that our 2 year old had been sick all night. Lucky for us that my poor mother in law dealt with all the dirty washing etc although I felt really guilty that’d we’d been out having fun and our little girl had her first ever sickness bug. Now we just have to stop it spreading to my son as well.
    #SharingtheBlogLove
    Alana – Burnished Chaos recently posted…Words To Live By #2: Smile Like You Mean It

  7. I don’t deal well with sick at all! But luckily we’ve only had one incident where it took all of us down, one by one. God, that was a miserable time! And it always takes the man of the house down the worst too – my husband took ages to shake it off! Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  8. Excellent advice!!! How come Dad’s always seem to be able to sleep through sickness chaos? Vomitting is the worst, one of the bits of parenting that you never get used to. Hope everyone else in your family managed to escape the bug! x

  9. We had the dreaded sickness bug a couple of weeks ago. It started with Alice and it was a bad 24 hrs! Its my least favourite illness, just the thought of it makes me feel sick. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove x

  10. Ha ha, yes, this is definitely a useful set of guidelines. Thankfully we’ve never really caught a vomiting bug in our house, it’s my worst nightmare because I don’t do sick at the best of times, let alone someone elses #sharingthebloglove

    • Sinéad Reply

      It’s so horrid. I’m glad you haven’t had to deal with it so far! It makes for a rotten few days…

  11. Ha love this! Novone tells you that parenting is mostly clearing up sick and/or poo in various quantities and textures.

  12. We are mid-vomfest right now! Small is now infected after Big did a (thankfully) one-time-only a few days ago. I’m an emetophobe too, and determined I won’t break my 7 and a half year run just yet! Great tips, wish I’d read it sooner though…!

Write A Comment

CommentLuv badge