Today my son turns seven, which means that I’ve been at this parenting lark for SEVEN years. You’d imagine that a mother of three – who has changed something in the region of 20,000 nappies (yes, I googled those stats) and managed to keep younglings alive since 2010 – would have a wealth of knowledge and experience.

I don’t. I have some. Twenty wise thoughts to be precise.

This is what I know.

  1. Parenting is a bit of a mug’s game. It’s no secret. Ask anyone. Some days the rewards are few. Some days you may be reduced to sitting on the utility room floor crying into a Wispa. Other times you’ll burst with pride and well up recounting an impressive sliding tackle to the butcher. It’s a mixed bag.
  2. People will offer ridiculous, unsolicited advice. The moment you upload that scan photo and unwittingly make your announcement to the world, you’re fair game for inappropriate touching, tales of woe about the specific lengths of perineum tears, and lectures on the perils of eating homemade mayonnaise.
  3. Parenting books are best left on the shelf. A childless ‘expert’ who insists that the mother of a newborn should set an alarm for 6am – after having 47.5 minutes’ sleep – in in order to pump, needs her own nipples twisted. On yer bike, Gina.
  4. On becoming a mother, you automatically waive the right to normal emotional regulation. Tsunamis in the furthest corners of the world, hospital documentaries and DIY SOS will bring you to new inconsolable depths.
  5. The colour white (or any variation thereof) is generally out. This applies to both clothing and furnishings. Edit: Does not apply to carbs and wine.
  6. The mythological perfect baby is as elusive as the three-eyed raven. People who brag about their baby sleeping through the night before six months have deep-rooted psychological issues with obvious sadistic tendencies and should be ousted, shunned and blacklisted.
  7. Seven-seater cars will crush your soul. And that’s without any kids in them.
  8. Baby wipes are life.
  9. Baking with kids is a practice enjoyed by the masochistic. Success is not guaranteed and the following formula can be applied to determine the duration of the clean-up: (Prep time + baking time) x 23.
  10. Your uterus will probably always skip a beat when a) you see the perfectly-rounded tiny butt of a newborn asleep on a mother’s chest,  b) you catch a whiff of a baby’s head, c) you are in the vicinity of bare newborn feet or d) you see a baby-wearing dad. The feeling should probably not be confused with an actual desire to have another baby.

    Ouch.
  11. Children can survive on a diet of brioche rolls and ketchup.
  12. Sod’s law applies to the following: the discovery of a high temperature and a rash on the Friday evening of a bank holiday weekend; an up-the-backer immediately upon leaving your home; tantrums in front of in-laws.
  13. Comparison and Play-doh are the thieves of joy.
  14. Children will eventually sleep, as will you.
  15. Toys will get smaller and you may even reclaim up to 30% of your home over time.
  16. The stages will pass and your babies will disappear before your eyes. One day you’ll be denied a cuddle, your hand will be brushed aside or they’ll tell you ‘you can go’. You will cry mixed tears of devastation and pride. You’re winning the game in which independence is king.
  17. You can’t do this without your tribe. Find like-minded parents and lean on one another. On the bad days, they’ll kindly attempt to prove they are worse parents than you and well, that’s just about the best thing a friend can do for any beaten down parent.
  18. You can’t truly appreciate your own mother until you are one.
  19. You’re better at this than you think.
  20. The kids are alright.
The calm before the storm

I always love hearing your thoughts in the comments. Am I being too hard on Play-doh? Have you been told to ‘go’ yet? Share your nuggets and experiences in the comments below. They always make me smile. When I’m not crying into my Wispa, that is.

You'd imagine that a mother of three would have wealth of knowledge and wisdom. I don’t. I have some. Twenty wise thoughts to be precise.

 

 

 

 

 

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58 Comments

  1. More tears shinners. And the best is kids will be alright ????????????????

  2. Helena Barry Reply

    Thanks again for making me laugh. Happy birthday to your wee man. Look how beautiful you are pregnant with Eoin bless them we would b list without them. ????????????

    • Sinéad Reply

      Ah thanks, Helena. Can you believe how fast time is going though?

    • Sinéad Reply

      All the brightly coloured plastic would break your heart! Lol. They hair was tied back but lots of people thought I’d cut it at the time. I DEF can’t pull off short hair!

    • Sinéad Reply

      Ah cheers! Glad you liked it. Wine for sure. Cars, if they’re not clunky seven-seaters, yes! 😉

  3. Haha!! This post is awesome … I’m almost 15 years a mother and now have a 12 week old ???? The hormone clashes with my oldest are not pretty but we still love each other! I have 2 built in baby sitters now. Love this post!! It’s all true!!
    Lucie Aiston recently posted…The Birth of Our Son

    • Sinéad Reply

      Wow, Lucie! Starting all over again! Well done, you! I can see how the teenagers could come in handy though!

  4. I’ve been a mother for 18 years now. How bewildering it is to have an 18 year old son. He’s learning to drive, works shifts in a bar and goes on lads nights out. I feel more at a loss now than when he was little when I knew where he was and that he was safe. There’s been oodles of ups and downs but being a mum is what I am and always will be……

    • Sinéad Reply

      Oh I can imagine, Lisa. I’m not sure I’ll cope well with teenagers at all! Gah!

    • Sinéad Reply

      Aw, thanks so much. Such a nice thing to hear! Good luck to you! Be grand! 😉

    • Sinéad Reply

      I think I’ll continue to carry them even when they’re out of nappies. Miracle cure-all! 🙂

    • Sinéad Reply

      I know, right? Just when you think you’re done, one comes along and smells all delicious! 😉

  5. Swop playdough for Lego and you have my life. Some things are so universal 🙂 Congratulations on 7 years!

    • Sinéad Reply

      Yeah, Lego’s a right pain, isn’t it? Under the feet, under the couch, etc. 🙂

  6. Haha, these are all true. I still live in fear of play-doh 😉 . You are right though, we are all better than we think. We just need to take the time to realise this sometimes 🙂

  7. So many of these ring true with me. As a mother of three I could think of an example of every one!

  8. Loved this – baking tip would be to use one of those Betty Crocker or Jus Roll packs where it’s just stir, pour and bake. Cuts down on the mess and your own prep time! Some say it’s not real baking, but it’s the best we get unless at Nana’s house! #dreamteam

    • Sinéad Reply

      I’m a big fan of Betty! Sometimes I just buy the premade roll of cookie dough too and call cutting it and arranging the circles on the tray ‘baking!’ 🙂

  9. All very true, but my favourite is that parenting books should left on the shelf. I’m so glad I never wasted time for them. #stayclassymama

    • Sinéad Reply

      I did with my first, Eva. I was all schedules and timings, etc. I much preferred trusting my own instincts with the girls. Makes parenting so much more enjoyable too.

  10. I completely agree with number 18, I appreciate my mother now more than I did before because I know how tough motherhood can be and I understand her undeniable love for me and my siblings #blogstravaganza

    • Sinéad Reply

      Definitely hard to get your head around unless you have kids.

  11. I couldn’t have written a more factually correct list myself – LOVED reading this!
    I am also a mum to 3 and seem to have learnt very little ‘useful’ stuff to pass on to people. Someone asked me what age my kids started crawling yesterday and I am ashamed to say I couldn’t remember. She was shocked to say the least… #iamsuchabadmum
    You’re doing a fab job and hell yes to Gina (mo-fo) Ford kissing our butts with her advice. The woman is a living nightmare of shit advice 😉
    Thanks for joining #bigpinklink! x

    • Sinéad Reply

      I’m always making mad guesses at when they hit milestones, Gemma! You’re so right. You remember nothing!

  12. Bridie By The Sea Reply

    Oh I love this! I’m so glad to hear #11 is true 😉 really lovely to hear this from someone on the other side as I’m still wading it out in the sleep deprivation trenches! Thanks for linking up to #dreamteam x

    • Sinéad Reply

      Thanks a million gazillion for the #Dreamteam feature! xx

    • Sinéad Reply

      Lol. Glad some of it rings true for other mammas! 😉

  13. Baby wipes are the absolutely holy grail! I can’t believe how fast time flies though, my boys will be 2 and 4 in October and then we have our next little boy due in November! #fabfridaypost

    • Sinéad Reply

      3 boys! You will have a lovely lively house! Hope the pregnancy is going well for you! Not easy when you’re running around after two busy boys, is it?

  14. Totally agree with these! I hope your son had an amazing 7th Birthday and congratulations to you for making it to 7 years!

    Thank you for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost

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